When someone miscarries in pregnancy no matter how early, these things are true:
- A real baby (whether it be embryo or fetus) was growing inside the mother and died
- That tiny baby had a soul
- The baby's Earthly remains are honorable and should be respected
I tell you, I knew this and wanted to do what God wanted but it was the hardest thing I ever had to physically do - to gather the remains of our tiny baby.
What helped was knowing what I should do, having support, and seeking counsel from our Priest. My two Sisters helped immediately, one handling Hope until there was none and the other preparing information and guidance for our miscarriage journey. The sister preparing for the miscarriage found this article which was truly Divine Providence - the Holy Spirit answering our questions; "Miscarriage: Moving from Grief toward Healing" by Caroline Schermerhorn. As I read it now, I still can't believe how closely it mirrored our situation.
WHAT DID WE DO?
At our meeting with our Priest, we were advised to prepare for proper burial. The kind Priest offered the Sacrament of the Sick to me (I had not miscarried yet) and a special blessing for our heartbroken family. The Priest offered to drive when the time came to our family cemetery 45 mins away to perform a small service for burial. To say we felt "led" during this time is an understatement - we were weak but willing and God stepped in and surrounded us with the right people to carry us.
My Father (never ceasing to be a providing, loving Father) offered and paid for burial of the area directly under my Grandmother's tombstone. It was just the right space for a small urn and memorial marker. Within a week and a half of learning our baby had no cardiac activity, I began to see signs of miscarriage. Sadly the day came and all preparations began to unfold on April 13th.
PREPARING FOR BURIAL
Rod communicated with the funeral home who was very supportive and kind, offering free arrangements (we only purchased the urn). The director was Heaven-sent and prepared holy cards for Elizabeth we will always treasure. The morning came on April 22nd and we drove sadly with our baby's remains to the cemetery along with a basket of white roses. Immediate family came with roses and a garden statue of an angel. The burial service was simple, holy, and recognized the soul of Elizabeth Marie who had life here for a brief moment and returned for eternity to Heaven.
NAMING
Since it was early (baby developed to 6 weeks, we learned no cardiac activity at 8 weeks, and miscarried at 10 weeks), we did not know whether the baby was a boy or girl. Since we already have three girls we thought our chances were good that she was a girl. Someday as we enter Heaven we may be surprised to see a little boy named Elizabeth Marie, but we will wait until that day of certainty. For now she is our fourth daughter.
